Chiko sabes q me gusto un monton!!!!! Me q d, como.....vi los dos en el salindde Mrs Vargas!!!!!! Ufff sabia q hibas a llgar lejos!!!! Yu ser mi new modelo a seguir!!!! Esajeradamente BRUTALLLL!!!!!

MAN WTF IS THIS SHIT AND WHERE DID IT COME FROM OHHH SHIT FUCK YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHH!!! YEAH!! This is Hot as FUCK!!! You got talent boy!! Beastly as hell. YOU got all the right to get a big ass head and gloat. Its briliant ! The line work composition and story for this chapter is total hotness man! Great Job! ( Take this from a true critic and run with it) Make some MUNEY!!!

Very sick shit here. Only complaint is the inking... it seems to take the life out of it. I dunno.

Wohoooo!

That was a sweet 1st chapter. The introduction of the characters, the initial plotline, and the pacing is all very good for the intro to your larger story. I am hooked, and I really hope you keep going! I think the paneling is cool and don't worry about the box shapes that you mentioned to me earlier. Everyone has their style, and you don't have to always have abstract or super dynamic framing. The layouts you do are doing what they should, allowing the reader's eyes flow easily through the story, while also being visually interesting. If you wanted to, you could aways add more diagonals when cutting up the pages' sections, even when people are talking it can work. Sometimes a slight yet deliberate slant to the paneling just makes it that much more interesting. But you don't have to do that, its only one little way of paneling and I still think you are doing great on it.

The art is wonderful. A small critique to it would be that I would love to see more variation in face types since I know you are good at drawing various kinds and you should show that in the comic. I know that with secondary characters, designing them isn't usually focused on as much as main characters, but make sure they don't share too many similarities with the main character's face shape and traits, like the person who called the hawke brother's to the general for instance, or the news reporter. Even though we may not see them again, or they just aren't as important, you can always let them make their small impression by letting their appearance reflect their personalities (whatever you can make of them) more, and also be more different from the main characters. A great example of amazing character design is in One Piece. Even though that's more wacky and cartoony in style, the attention to detail and variation for secondary and non-important characters is still high, and I love that.

I also agree with what ~hunterdee said, that some of the dialogue needs smoothing out. If you know a good friend that likes editing/writing it would be great since another pair of eyes will help you sort out the bumps. There was no huge problem and it didn't distract me from enjoying the story and seeing the cool personalities of your characters, but fixing the kinks will make your work that much more polished.

If I can name a few examples to help out: When the chief of the Native American tribe is describing the mountain and beast (page 3), it could use more of a poetic prose like feel... more of a flow. I think the last two panels of page 3 are the best places to rework the lines there.

On a separate issue, I can tell what humor you were going for but having the female lead character think "if I knew the word f---", was a bit unfitting I felt, to the mystical and charming world we the readers are in at that point. It would be a cool juxtaposition to leave that world pure of modern curse words, and then later in the future you can show the other side of things. There are other places you had the curse words in fitting spots and it was effective, such as "World peace my ass." That gave a nice period to the train of thought, to the page, and shows the personality of the character. So I guess ultimately, my opinion would be that if you are going to put in those kinds of words or phrases for that bit of edge, make sure it really works in the story and setting, and especially for the character.

Hope this wasn't a bore to read, I tried my best to critique (don't normally like to do that haha). Really cool dude!

holy crap, man! this is a million years better than the original!!! things have evolved so much since its original concept, I just cant wait to see what the mecha designs will look like. Other than a few (very very few) kinks in the dialogue, the whole issue was superb!!! also, you are going to have to teach me that flash trick, the one with the changing pages. yeah. damn, I am so proud!

I hate this kind of comment, but there's really no other way for me to put it:

Awesome!